Place for my head.

Another sleepless night. Another night where I can't even write my thoughts into words, embarrassed by how angry I have become. I feel like all I do is complain lately. I just feel crushed. By the entirety of my life. Why does my mind work the way it does, why can't I just let it all go. I keep pushing onward turning more inwards as time goes by, getting angrier and angrier as time goes by. The world I want, and the world that's reality are so much different. I want to run. A place to rest, a place to think. No time to rest. No time to think. Everyone depends on you. Your family needs you. I try to write to relieve these feelings but they latch to my chest, like a heart attack. I want to go back, Thirteen, Fourteen years. I want to feel safe, next to my Tanta in her big red chair, watching CNN as she gives me all the tips she can about life before they happen. Warning me of the woes of life with gentlest of touch. Teaching me that open mind and a golden heart is what matters, showing me patience, sparking my imagination. I wish I could go back during times like this, I wish I could go back to being the me I want to be. The one with the selfless heart, who isn't afraid of being hurt. The ones who's intentions are never of his own. Not holding anger and disdain in my heart, but hope. Hope that this could all change, that I can be a difference. I could change the world for the better. The kid who loves everyone, and doesn't have the love exploited or turned against him. Void of scars. I just want to ask her what to do, where to go.