Obsession

Today I really saw how obsessed I have become. I barely dream anymore. It's all nightmares, nightmares of fighting, and fighting and reaching the inevitable end of failing, that I could have done more, but I wasn't strong enough. I want nothing more but to be successful, everything in my way frustrates me. What used to make me feel accomplished like having a steady job at Office Depot, makes me angry. It stands for everything that I'm not. I feel like it defines who I currently am. I don't want be trapped forever making nothing and hour doing something that I really couldn't care less about. I want to write. Anything. I want to control my own life. I want to not worry about my brother and sister growing up wrong. I want to make a difference. I'm sick of wanting. I'm sick of complaining. I'm sick of being so anxious like every minute of my life not going towards my goals is a moment wasted. I've become obsessed. The only time I have had a decent night's sleep was when I finally spluttered out the first few lines of my new unnamed story. I love creating stories I just wish I didn't have this constant anxiety. This devil on my back, whispering in my ear how I'm going to fail. I'm going to be making everyone else more money for the rest of my life. Changing nothing.