Obsession

Today I really saw how obsessed I have become. I barely dream anymore. It's all nightmares, nightmares of fighting, and fighting and reaching the inevitable end of failing, that I could have done more, but I wasn't strong enough. I want nothing more but to be successful, everything in my way frustrates me. What used to make me feel accomplished like having a steady job at Office Depot, makes me angry. It stands for everything that I'm not. I feel like it defines who I currently am. I don't want be trapped forever making nothing and hour doing something that I really couldn't care less about. I want to write. Anything. I want to control my own life. I want to not worry about my brother and sister growing up wrong. I want to make a difference. I'm sick of wanting. I'm sick of complaining. I'm sick of being so anxious like every minute of my life not going towards my goals is a moment wasted. I've become obsessed. The only time I have had a decent night's sleep was when I finally spluttered out the first few lines of my new unnamed story. I love creating stories I just wish I didn't have this constant anxiety. This devil on my back, whispering in my ear how I'm going to fail. I'm going to be making everyone else more money for the rest of my life. Changing nothing.

Sneak Peak at new adventure/fantasy story.

Real stories, have no beginning, no end. Real stories are the ones we can listen to for hours and never get bored. When the fire goes out, everyone stands around the smoldering ashes, not wanting; needing more. You have the gravity in your chest, your the negative; the words the positive. Everyone yearns for those stories. The ones that aren't just about a boy becoming a man, the prodigal son, or the great journey; but the world they take part in. Where you would rather live the life of a bi-stander, than to do whatever it is your told you have to do. You'd rather drink the shittiest ale in a tavern; that wreaks of the homeless and the lowly. Hearing the squabble of the same damn married couple that's there every night. Fighting so diligently about nothing. You can see he abuses her. The marks on her cheek, but by the size of the woman she certainly could stop him, if she so desired. A dimly lit run down hole in ground, where the door screeched like a banshee when it was opened, and every drunk's glazed, clumsy eyes peered at you like you where late to Sunday mass. The regulars never flinched, striding to the average looking bartender. The one who's laugh gets more infectious through the night, and when the the light hits their eyes just right; has you smitten after a pint of the house rum. This customer however was much different.

My Love Story with Halo

My Love Story with Halo

Every human must have their inspiration, the thing that propels them in a direction that they can't help but yearn for. There will always be muses here and there, that keep you going, leave your jaw agape; wretch your heart or satisfy your thirst. But, there will always be that one moment, that one object of obsession you hold close, the thing that started it all, and for me that's Halo.

Halo: Combat Evolved

Christmas 2001 6^th grade, and it seemed liked everyone in my class was talking about their Xbox they received, and Halo. They talks resumed and my jealousy peaked as I heard about how you could bring your box to another person's house and have a LAN party. Something I always thought of but never heard of. I finally got my hands on it during a friends birthday party and I hated it. I couldn't keep up with any of the players, I never played a first-person shooter before and the controller was so big and bulky for my PlayStation honed mind that I had to keep looking down at the control to see what did what. Until my friend Nick showed me how to get into a tank, and we destroyed the competition. I was hooked ever since. I would go over by Nick's and play co-op. I fell in love with the environments, the unique engagements, the way the world was built and the story felt. I saved up all my money from my birthday and chores around my Nana and Tanta's. I bought my own Xbox and Halo. I played everyday, I memorized the journey of Masterchief. The opening of the hushed casket, being reunited with Cortana (for the first time), the desperate struggle by Captain Keys, the crash landing on Halo, Truth and Reconciliation, the Forerunner architecture, the Silent Cartographer, the reveal of the Flood, the betrayal of Guilty Spark, and the destruction of Halo. I loved every moment even the dreaded Library. I was hooked, I played the multiplayer every chance I got and became one of the best of my group rivaled only by the one who got me hooked in the first place, Nick. It was only a matter of time before we saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cojjVDdtB8g

Perchance to Dream

Halo 2, our young minds ran rampant with speculation. The Covenant had invaded earth, and Masterchief and Cortana would be the only thing standing in their way. We talked about it every day revealing any tidbits we found. Nick would show me his Xbox magazine, that all kinds of tantalizing concepts; new vehicle variations, allies that could drive, enemies that would seek you out and call in death squads to route you out. A year later we got this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_y3cbIV-Xg Absolute goosebumps. For a week straight I would watch it before bed, thinking this was the greatest thing I had ever saw. That trailer was 2004 and it hadn't come out before we graduated from Middle school. I never really fit into High School (Go figure from a guy who would watch a demo from a Videogame before bedtime) but I grew into the online community meeting players like “Sapwood” who incidentally lived in Wisconsin, and Halo.Bungie.Org (HBO). In my zest for information. I picked up Halo: The Fall of Reach by Eric Nylund, novel prequel to the Halo game.

The Great Journey

Mind you at this point in my life I was a freshman in High School, up until that very point in my life I hated reading. It's not that I was bad at it, it was just shoved down my throat every year of my life and there wasn't a single book I connected with. Not even a little. In fact I don't think I read a book all the way through up until that point in my life. The stark contrast was, I couldn't put the thing down. I read it to, from, and during class.

I read about Captain Keyes and Doctor Halsey, two individuals who are taken to the edge by a civil war between the outer colonies of human's expansion into space, who had to make questionable decisions for their beliefs. I read about John the brown haired boy with a lucky streak, whom the Captain and Doctor would abduct from his home. About a camp with other children with various talents, all exceptional in their own way. They trained these children harder than any man, mentally, physically. They augmented their bodies, some to the point of disfiguration or death. They trained the children to become Spartan's. The successor of the Greek warriors who famously held off the Persian empire during the battle for Thermopylae. I read about that brown haired boy becoming Master Chief Petty Officer Spartan 117 “Master Chief”, his first operation, The arrival of the Covenant, and their motives. “Your destruction is the will of our gods, and we are their instruments.” and you read of the destruction of John's home, his soldiers, his friends by the hands of the Covenant.

I was blown away, I was sucked in. There was nothing on this planet that was quite like his journey, it gave so much insight to the man behind the armor; to the world that those characters where thrust into. My mind ebbed and flowed. I always had grand images in my head. I was brought up to be creative. Yet I never really had an outlet, I was too clumsy to be an artist, made to many mistakes. It was impossible to live up to the grand pictures I my head. Writing, gave me that outlet. Eric Nylund with the somber tale of desperate humans showed me that outlet. In middle school, I “like-liked” Halo, In high school I fell in love. Eric Nylund released another Novel, Halo: First Strike months before Halo 2's release. First book I ever picked up from the store day one. It was a direct sequel. Dealing with a battered hero, and faltering Cortana. Their excursion on Halo had taken a lot out of them and they where ailing, but they had a job to do. You see Jon once again reunited with his mother figure Doctor Halsey and how devote she is to her ideals, you see the deeper darker secrets of humanity, and how even at the brink of extinction they still vie for power. You see Masterchief, do what he does best and survive. You get the point that with all the heroes sacrificing themselves for the cause, there will surely be none left for the impending Covenant onslaught. Finally It introduced new characters and got the ball rolling for the overarching stories of the next two sequels.

I also got really involved into Halo, with http://ilovebees.com/index.html , and eerie but infectious alternate reality game, making you feel like what is going on in these books in these games is your future, is real. I also got into the deep lore, Bible references, numerology, mythology. The parallels where staggering.

Flawed Legacy

The biggest problem with being a creative mind, is that when you expect something you either are blown away or it tends not to live up with the world you made in your own head. Halo 2 fell into the later, and unfortunately as I began to grow older, I learned many things did. Halo 2's first hour was everything I wanted it to be, but it quickly faded. Especially when I ran into what looked like Seymore. To be completely fair, I was blinded by the hype I created for the game. I replayed it and tried to see it for what it was, and to be honest I liked it a lot more. It wasn't the epic I had wanted it to be, but an epic none the less. During this time I started to heavily into the competitive side of Halo, and started competing in tournaments with Nick. Our first couple of tournaments we fell flat on our face, but we quickly became the best Wisconsin had to offer. I met awesome people and became closer with the friends I did have, friends that I would have for the rest of my life, and through them I met more amazing people. It was weird how something bound us all together, yet it wasn't always in the front of our minds. This trend continued well into and past Halo 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsiKUmyL_hY (When I saw this I hung up on my now ex-girlfriend out of pure giddiness) My reception of Halo 3 was much the same as Halo 2's. It was amazing but not quiet what I would have imagined. The ending told of the apparent death of Masterchief as he floats around in deep space, asleep in his hushed casket once more. The halo trilogy had come full circle. I honestly choked up. This would be the last game with Masterchief, or at least so I thought.

Enough Dead Heroes

Bungie would eventually release two more Halo games, and like the previous games I bought them all at midnight. They where of course void of the Masterchief but that was certainly for the best. The stories where a lot more personal. You felt for the characters, as the ODST team trudged through New Mombasa unraveling the mysteries hidden by both man and alien. You grieved for your comrades of Noble 6 each died one by one to protect their home, and deliver a package; an A.I. by the name of Cortana, with vital info on how to stop the Covenant. A great plot twist to finally know she jumped to Halo on purpose, not just wild speculation. The multiplayer while still fun, I seemed to just not care about as much. Maybe because I'm getting older, maybe because it's just getting stale. But, I'm bored with it. On the other hand I was watching this years e3 Microsoft conference like I do every year, and I saw this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9iQiHNXgMU. I got that little feeling back. What will John be put through next. How much more can he handle? Will this story reflect that? Or will be has immortal as the tales told of ancient Spartans his namesake holds.